I am not an atheist.

a·the·ist [ey-thee-ist]
noun: a person who denies or disbelieves the existence of a supreme being or beings.
Origin: 1565–75; < Greek áthe ( os ) godless + -ist

I believe in god. Perhaps no longer in a way any organised beliefs would expect me to, but I believe in something higher, larger and more expansive than life.

I had doubts, of course.

In moments when I find god cannot explain the unfathomable, I find it easier to be a rationalist – relying only on what is immediate around me. My question at times like these would echo in my head over and over and over again:

“If you truly are omnipotent, how could you let all of these happen?”

When I am confronted with the magical impossibility of life and its beauty, however, I know I could not deny god.

When I see a cat sunning itself under the happy sun, peacefully co-existing in my close presence.

When I find myself in a company of a complete stranger, so different from myself in nature and worldviews, yet so similar in our hopes and dreams.

I would find myself saying, “that’s you right there, isn’t it god? Looking at us, smiling at us.”

Do I believe in religion? I believe religion is an organised set of beliefs and values systems, and nothing more.

Religion is not necessarily interchangeable with faith. In the same way one can be religious but not spiritual, one can also be spiritual but not religious.

I believe in indiscriminating god.

Whether we are man, woman, white, black, straight, gay, rich, poor, Muslims, Christians, Jews, Hindu, Buddhist, etc. I do not think it is our god-given mission to decide which religion/sets of faith/values/personality should triumph another.

When I am presented with a question – are you a believer? I said yes.

And when I was asked, then why are you not a Muslim/Christian/Hindu/Buddhist? I would go back and ask myself, but how do you know (what to believe in)?

Do you believe in something because it’s right? Is something right because you are told it’s right? Or because you are convinced it’s right above all others which are wrong?

How do you know if something is right above all others which are wrong until you have made enough examination to understand the limitations that lead to their imperfection?

If they said, it depends on your faith. So I say, well, my faith is in god.

Then, they asked, what is your moral guidance?

I answer, to equate irreligous to being immoral is rather simplistic, isn’t it?

On the days when I was religious, and I met others who are not – I ask myself, what’s stopping them from doing evil? What’s encouraging them to be compassionate?

What is it in my religious bearing that they don’t have? And if we are different in religion, why are we the same in our conducts as human being?

Bam! It struck me. Religion, rituals – are physical, social conduct, they are what gives you identities, labels. Faith, beliefs, moral values – are inherent, and can be manifested in many forms.

I believe human beings – any human beings – are inherently good.

So does it matter if they are Muslims, Christians, Buddhist, Jews, Hindus, straight or gay?

No. To me, it doesn’t matter.

Does it matter to god? I don’t know.

I’m not exactly in god’s place to say so or otherwise, am I?

This entry was written on March 17, 2013

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