Even though I may not have realised it earlier, I think I gave up on religion a long time ago.
There is something about assigning truth to a certain belief and implying such belief as above others which I don’t agree with. Over time, I had learned faith is all-inclusively a personal, irrational, and at the same time a conscious endeavour.
There is always a reason why people believe in something, and why they don’t – and the consequent conclusion to it is simply, to each their own.
Once on our way home while walking under a clear moonlight by the Coogee beach, my housemate asked me; “do you believe in god?”. I raised my eyes, my two brows knitted together. Feeling a bit offended, I said, “what do you think I’m wearing the headscarf for?”. He chuckled, and gave me a look which says, ‘come on, don’t fool yourself’
Later in the night, I was left deep in my own thoughts. I realised everything religious I’ve been doing all these while had been nothing but ornamental. They were simply a territorial mark, a conventional stamp which licensed me to function as a normal individual in my society.
I asked myself, since when did I make the conscious choice to believe, to submit myself to a particular religion or a school of thoughts – I thought long and hard, and I couldn’t remember.
From that moment on; every rituals, every services I perform in the name of religion lost their meaning.
This entry was written on March 24, 2011